Dear Sauron
by AkenJizo
Summary: Sauron is up to no good.
1. Chapter 1

_(Authors Note: I don't own Lord of the Rings, the Silmarillion, the Hobbit, or anything any of those stories contain. It all belongs to J. R. R. Tolkien and his family.)_

(|)

Dear Sauron,

Don't think I don't see what you're doing over there. Morgoth is gone. Numenor is gone. It's time to let go of such insane aspirations and simply live in peace. I truly believe we've all suffered enough.

So stop it.

Sincerely,

Galadriel, Lady of Lothlorien.

(|)

Dear Galadriel,

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

No.

Also, congratulations on seeing something that should be _blindingly obvious_ to every world leader by now. Truly, your powers of observation are beyond measure. It is little wonder they call you Wisest.

Sincerely,

Sauron, Lord of Mordor.

(|)

Dear Sauron,

Why do you insist on being so terrible? There's more to life than simple conquest, you know.

Sincerely,

Galadriel, Lady of Lothlorien.

(|)

Dear Galadriel,

You're right; there's also ruling what I've conquered with an iron fist. And honestly, you people need it. If I don't conquer you, you'll just destroy yourselves. So, really, it would just be easier for everyone involved if the lot of you just surrendered.

Sincerely,

Sauron, Lord of Mordor.

(|)

Dear Sauron,

I'll admit that there has been...friction between the various free people lately. However, none of us will simply let you take what you please. We will reunite, we will fight you, and we will prevail, just as we always have.

It takes only one candle to ward off the darkness. You cannot defeat us.

Sincerely,

Galadriel, Lady of Lothlorien.

(|)

Dear Galadriel,

I'm fully aware that you'll put aside your petty grievances to temporarily ally yourselves against me, and I'd like to thank you in advance for doing so. It makes things so much easier for me. Now all I need is three or four major battles, and all of you insects that refuse to kneel will be crushed.

All candles burn out eventually. You can only delay the inevitable.

Sincerely,

Sauron, Lord of Mordor.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: I still don't own The Lord of the Rings, the Silmarillion, the Hobbit, or anything else associated with that Universe. It all belongs to the Tolkiens._

(|)

Dear Galadriel,

_**Wow**_. We see each other for the first time in four hundred years, and what do you do? You break my house. That is really poor form Galadriel. And here I thought we were friends.

Anyway, I've gotten better, thank you for asking. As Olorin has no doubt told you by now, I've pretty much gotten everything I needed. It would have been nice if the orks had won at Erebor, but hey, I still win anyway.

By the way, was it really necessary to send me a letter every year? It should have been obvious after a decade or so that I wasn't in any condition to reply.

Sincerely,

Sauron, Lord of Mordor.

(|)

Dear Sauron,

I wouldn't need to break your fortresses if you stopped using them to corrupt the surrounding area and build up massive invasion forces. We've been over this. Renounce your evil ways, repent for all that you've done, and we'll get along just fine.

It's unkind to say, but you are absolutely the last person I wanted to see recover. No offense, it's just that I still remember every single one of my friends and family you murdered, to say nothing of my poor subjects.

And yes, yes it was. Believe it or not, it was amazingly cathartic. I can insult you in all sorts of ways and never feel guilty about it afterwords, because you're so much worse than mere words can describe.

Sincerely,

Galadriel, Lady of Lothlorien.

(|)

Dear Galadriel,

I wouldn't need to corrupt or invade anything if you lot just surrendered. Seriously. Why is this such a difficult idea for you people? If you submit, you survive. Why fight and rage against something you have no hope of vanquishing?

And you're right, that is really unkind. My feeling are in tatters just from reading it. _Tatters_, Galadriel. How can you live with yourself?

Oh, I see. Well, credit where credit is due; if you were trying to slightly annoy me, congratulations! You succeeded. I'll make sure you live long enough to watch me burn Lothlorien to the ground.

Sincerely,

Sauron, Lord of Mordor.

(|)

Dear Sauron,

It's better to die free than live on as a slave. And we have vanquished you before. Or have you forgotten the name "Isildur" already? Truly, the memory of the Dark Lord is to be feared.

I'd be extremely happy if you truly were reduced to tatters. It would be a day of song, dance, and merriment forever after. No holiday before or since would ever equal the splendor of that single annual party. The Jubilation of the Elves would be so legendary that it would completely eclipse your very existence. Everyone in all the realms of Middle-Earth would know that the Elves threw the perfect party every year without fail, and no one would ever remember why.

You will do no such thing. Lothlorien will always be beyond your infernal grasp. I will oppose you again and again, until finally you are sent to the Void once and for all!

Sincerely,

Galadriel, Lady of Lothlorien.


End file.
